On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
