I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
