I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
