My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
