i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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