I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
