Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
