it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
