i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
