some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
BRING THE BAGELS
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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