I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
