My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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