Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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