Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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