My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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