Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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