Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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