burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
