I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
