whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
