too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
