I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
