I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
