If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
