Are we in a gay sports bar?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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