Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
