i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
