I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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