I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
