dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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