If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
