There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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