my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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