"it" just moved
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
