We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've blown a few things in my day
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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