i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
