My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
