fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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