i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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