Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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