Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
