the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
