During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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