It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My ass is underappreciated
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
