i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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