speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he shaved USA in his pubs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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