ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
