peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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