I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
