i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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