And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
