she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
