but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
