I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
