I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
